I wrote a poem, and thought it might bring some spirits up if I shared it. It's about life. And how you should be who you are, and embrace the you you are because you've made yourself, and kept yourself running, after each and every obstacle put in your path.
I think life is a lot less than we make it out to be, but at the same time, way more than anyone could ever imagine. We leave so much for granted and act like we have the worst lives in the books. Well, no one says you don't. But try and live it as is, because it's what you have, and there's nothing else to do but die. And that's not an option until it's beautiful, like memento mori <3
Beautiful Life
The weakness is unavoidable
but you're afraid to embrace
the inevitable.
If scars could sow themselves up
to blend with skin
before the damage was done
Would you choose to let it mend
Or reveal yourself as you are now?
and should be
No regrets left on the path
leading from the heels of your feet
To the beginning
where you once began.
What if starting over
was just a button
on the tips of your fingers?
Would you push it
Or follow the footsteps
you created
when you first learned to run?
Free as a dragonfly
Small as a rollie pollie
But still able to survive
against the world as we know it.
If they're making you choose
Refuse
to let them take away the rights
of owning every emotion
by humankind.
When life gives you love
you accept the hate that follows
With the tears and the laughs
and the everything that is.
Life is not a game
and we are not the players
Life is an open book
With the beginning
Middle
And end not set and stone
But cut between choices
Chosen by us as ourselves
and followed with the consequences
Like each written page should be.
So we are the characters we create ourselves
In the story book that we continue to write, as well
And with each blink of your eyes
a few more words are added
to the intersection you've come so far to get to.
Several more chapters
with more than enough years
to sell to Bella Morte herself
For a bella vita accomplished
For those who aren't familiar with the Italian language:
bella morte - beautiful death
bella vita - beautiful life
And I'm out.
Stay beautiful, and lead a beautiful life.
-Kylie
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Maybe there's more to the years...
Four more days until Christmas, and yet each hour that we get closer to it, the less it even feels like winter itself. Kansas is rather warm for the winters, and makes me wonder if the hoax of global warming is really a hoax at all.
For some of you, the year has blown after pretty fairly. And for others, well, let's just say it hasn't been the best year yet. For me, it's been the worst of the 15, almost 16, years of life. Over 6 months ago, my mother beat the life out of me, and left me panicking on my bed, hyperventilating and scared out of my whits. There were bruises on my face, neck and collarbone. Hair fallen on the floor from my scalp, and bruises unseen on my head. Slash marks on my arms and a bite on my wrist/hand. I still have the scar from the bite. A constant reminder that my family is nutcase insane, but I'm living, because there's nothing else I can do to get OUT. I'm not one to believe in heaven or hell, but I'm not ready to leave this world quite yet for whatever comes afterwards.
A few weeks ago, my dog of 8 years was stolen. She was like my first best friend. And it hurts knowing that this Christmas, she won't be there to open her presents.
And the last big event of late happened today. I come home to a mailbox full of cards written to myself and siblings from the grandparents my mother has shunned. We have not seen them in 4-5 years. After opening the card, I grabbed the phone and phone book, and called my grandmother. We sat on the phone, myself, and two of my sisters, with her and cried, and exclaimed how much we missed each other. We made her day, but it has made my year.
Grandmothers and grandparents are one of a kind, don't ever let them go. If they love and care for you, why bother letting the relationship stray away? Family is one of a kind...and sometimes it can be tempting to let those relationships stray away, but all you need is a little more heart and forgiveness to let it all go. And when it's not enough, because sometimes the forgiven don't deserve the forgiveness, don't let it bring you down. Move on, carry on, and stick to the one's who are there. Sometimes your family isn't really a family at all, but a pack of friends. If it's all you've got, it's what you need, then hold onto it.
Surrounding me are the people I love, and the people I distrust. There will always be all types of people around you, and you can't let it get in the way. Obstacles are meant to be overcome through the years. Maybe that's what the years are for, to see how much you CAN, in fact, overcome. It's all a test. And aging only shows how much and long you've survived. It's not a race, but if you can last, you're a survivor <3
~Kylie
For some of you, the year has blown after pretty fairly. And for others, well, let's just say it hasn't been the best year yet. For me, it's been the worst of the 15, almost 16, years of life. Over 6 months ago, my mother beat the life out of me, and left me panicking on my bed, hyperventilating and scared out of my whits. There were bruises on my face, neck and collarbone. Hair fallen on the floor from my scalp, and bruises unseen on my head. Slash marks on my arms and a bite on my wrist/hand. I still have the scar from the bite. A constant reminder that my family is nutcase insane, but I'm living, because there's nothing else I can do to get OUT. I'm not one to believe in heaven or hell, but I'm not ready to leave this world quite yet for whatever comes afterwards.
A few weeks ago, my dog of 8 years was stolen. She was like my first best friend. And it hurts knowing that this Christmas, she won't be there to open her presents.
And the last big event of late happened today. I come home to a mailbox full of cards written to myself and siblings from the grandparents my mother has shunned. We have not seen them in 4-5 years. After opening the card, I grabbed the phone and phone book, and called my grandmother. We sat on the phone, myself, and two of my sisters, with her and cried, and exclaimed how much we missed each other. We made her day, but it has made my year.
Grandmothers and grandparents are one of a kind, don't ever let them go. If they love and care for you, why bother letting the relationship stray away? Family is one of a kind...and sometimes it can be tempting to let those relationships stray away, but all you need is a little more heart and forgiveness to let it all go. And when it's not enough, because sometimes the forgiven don't deserve the forgiveness, don't let it bring you down. Move on, carry on, and stick to the one's who are there. Sometimes your family isn't really a family at all, but a pack of friends. If it's all you've got, it's what you need, then hold onto it.
Surrounding me are the people I love, and the people I distrust. There will always be all types of people around you, and you can't let it get in the way. Obstacles are meant to be overcome through the years. Maybe that's what the years are for, to see how much you CAN, in fact, overcome. It's all a test. And aging only shows how much and long you've survived. It's not a race, but if you can last, you're a survivor <3
~Kylie
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Listen up, it's important
The world is growing darker as each day passes by, and it's tearing me apart. Your saddness is making me grow cold with saddness, as well. All of my friends...they're falling off the edge, and dragging me down with them. A lot of them want to die. A lot of them won't even tell me what the hell is wrong. They're blocking me out, and I don't know what to do because I'm trying *everything*. Suicide...is not the way to handle anything. I've been in these places. I just got done sitting in the bathroom with a razor in my hand, contemplating slicing away what's left. But I placed it back down. Because I'm not falling again. I refuse to go back to the darkest days of my life, and I refuse to let all of you get there, too.
When someone tells you they're there for you, let them be. If you need space, okay. But you need to let that person, or those people in, at some point. Because all they want to do is help and they love you. Don't hide it all under a facade, I had to find out from other people I don't even know that she was going to kill herself, and in fact had already attempted. I've been going around asking everyone else what's wrong with him because he won't open up. Don't let it come to this; don't leave your friends wondering, let them know you're okay, or you're not okay. If time is what you need, we'll give it...but time honestly doesn't run on forever. We love you guys. I love you guys.
I'm so scared to do anything...I've caused myself sickness, I keep crying because I hate to see the world in such a depression. Friends, lovers and fighters, be there for everyone out there. Be there for one another. Don't be afraid to take that one person's hand and let them know...how much you love them.
I love you Courtney.
I love you Tyler.
I love you all.
Keep the beauty.
-Kylie
When someone tells you they're there for you, let them be. If you need space, okay. But you need to let that person, or those people in, at some point. Because all they want to do is help and they love you. Don't hide it all under a facade, I had to find out from other people I don't even know that she was going to kill herself, and in fact had already attempted. I've been going around asking everyone else what's wrong with him because he won't open up. Don't let it come to this; don't leave your friends wondering, let them know you're okay, or you're not okay. If time is what you need, we'll give it...but time honestly doesn't run on forever. We love you guys. I love you guys.
I'm so scared to do anything...I've caused myself sickness, I keep crying because I hate to see the world in such a depression. Friends, lovers and fighters, be there for everyone out there. Be there for one another. Don't be afraid to take that one person's hand and let them know...how much you love them.
I love you Courtney.
I love you Tyler.
I love you all.
Keep the beauty.
-Kylie
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Calling all unity for peace and love!
Hello all of you beautiful souls! It's been a terribly long time since I've written to all of you, it kinda makes me sad. But, here I am, ready to give more information :)
I hope you all know that last month (October) was special for several reasons. Honoring those suicide victims who were tired of living in a hell where everyone was against gays; fighting against breast cancer, preventing domestic and all other types of violence, and there was even National Coming Out Day, on October 11th. Everyone should know that we're all equal. Equality is literally the key to everything. We should all be equally loved as humans, and we should all be equally punished for our wrongs. No one should be excluded from the world for race, sexual preference, shape and size, or background. Is it so hard to have one simple unified thought? All we need...is love. And equality brings that. If you can set aside the differences, what is there to keep you apart? It all comes down to your beauty, your souls, and the hands that reach out towards each other for comfort and friendship. Be the person the world wishes you to be, a broad enough statement that is broken down into one simple meaning: Be loving. Caring. Peaceful. And you become the rest as you wish to be, afterall, that's what makes you YOU.
It seems the world is in a sort of depression right now. Conrtoversial issues, lack of money and job opportunites, and a lack of caring. Create a way to make something a little better, a lot less in the hole than it already is. Get the community to chip in one dollar per person to save towards something tremendous, or to help towards those in dire need of the help. Make a club at your school on peace and equality, speak out and tell others how you feel, you'd be surprised on how many other individuals feel the same way, but are just like you and don't know how to, or want to, speak it out, in fear of losing what they have. There will always be that number of people who are against you...and let it be. Because the right idea comes with bringing all the same great thoughts together as one to create what will block out the wrong. You can do it. You all can. Because what's beautiful can <3
--Kylie
I hope you all know that last month (October) was special for several reasons. Honoring those suicide victims who were tired of living in a hell where everyone was against gays; fighting against breast cancer, preventing domestic and all other types of violence, and there was even National Coming Out Day, on October 11th. Everyone should know that we're all equal. Equality is literally the key to everything. We should all be equally loved as humans, and we should all be equally punished for our wrongs. No one should be excluded from the world for race, sexual preference, shape and size, or background. Is it so hard to have one simple unified thought? All we need...is love. And equality brings that. If you can set aside the differences, what is there to keep you apart? It all comes down to your beauty, your souls, and the hands that reach out towards each other for comfort and friendship. Be the person the world wishes you to be, a broad enough statement that is broken down into one simple meaning: Be loving. Caring. Peaceful. And you become the rest as you wish to be, afterall, that's what makes you YOU.
It seems the world is in a sort of depression right now. Conrtoversial issues, lack of money and job opportunites, and a lack of caring. Create a way to make something a little better, a lot less in the hole than it already is. Get the community to chip in one dollar per person to save towards something tremendous, or to help towards those in dire need of the help. Make a club at your school on peace and equality, speak out and tell others how you feel, you'd be surprised on how many other individuals feel the same way, but are just like you and don't know how to, or want to, speak it out, in fear of losing what they have. There will always be that number of people who are against you...and let it be. Because the right idea comes with bringing all the same great thoughts together as one to create what will block out the wrong. You can do it. You all can. Because what's beautiful can <3
--Kylie
Monday, September 27, 2010
Love is all you need, and love is what you'll always have
Dear friends, teenagers, adults and friends of this world...Life can be so tough and horrendous, and sometimes crawling under that rock just isn't enough, you want to take the last few steps to fall from the cliff, but life...can also be so rewarding and beautiful. Take this and keep it on your mind always, because the terrible and the wonderful go hand in hand, which means there is no one without the other. Life IS a roller coaster, darlings. And sometimes the loops feel never ending, but they all end somewhere. It's inevitable.
Recently, my close friend hung himself. Luckily his step father found him in time, but with the lack of oxygen for 6 minutes, he went into a coma. I haven't heard anything since then, and I'm hoping with all of my heart that he'll make it out okay. He should know that because I care, because all of his friends care, it means we love him. And he doesn't need to leave us if he's got all he needs. Happiness comes with coping with all of it, and I know anyone can do it as long as they try their hardest. I have been through SO much, I know exactly how life can seem, and to be honest, I hate it most of the time myself. I've wanted to die, I've TRIED to kill myself and it's gotten me no where, and now I see how much those people in my life care and love me. That doesn't mean that I don't still wish to die sometimes...because I do. It's not wrong to think like this. As long as you stop and think about it, and don't act on it, everything will go by alright, because you can get through anything. I want to share so much with all of you...everything I've been through. So you know how much we have in common, how other people go through similar terrible shit. Wish it, try it, ACCOMPLISH it. I have faith, and so do others.
Someone out there loves you. Several out there love you. No matter what they tell you, no matter what you tell yourself. I care. I know I'm a random girl you all don't know...so how can I care? I care because I know what it's like and I know how it feels and I know...that everyone needs someone, and everyone is so beautiful, I don't understand this wonder yet it is so tremendous. I love you all, I truly do. So do one thing for me...and live, because it's all under this one sky, in this one world, in this one life.
Stay beautiful. <3
-Kylie
Recently, my close friend hung himself. Luckily his step father found him in time, but with the lack of oxygen for 6 minutes, he went into a coma. I haven't heard anything since then, and I'm hoping with all of my heart that he'll make it out okay. He should know that because I care, because all of his friends care, it means we love him. And he doesn't need to leave us if he's got all he needs. Happiness comes with coping with all of it, and I know anyone can do it as long as they try their hardest. I have been through SO much, I know exactly how life can seem, and to be honest, I hate it most of the time myself. I've wanted to die, I've TRIED to kill myself and it's gotten me no where, and now I see how much those people in my life care and love me. That doesn't mean that I don't still wish to die sometimes...because I do. It's not wrong to think like this. As long as you stop and think about it, and don't act on it, everything will go by alright, because you can get through anything. I want to share so much with all of you...everything I've been through. So you know how much we have in common, how other people go through similar terrible shit. Wish it, try it, ACCOMPLISH it. I have faith, and so do others.
Someone out there loves you. Several out there love you. No matter what they tell you, no matter what you tell yourself. I care. I know I'm a random girl you all don't know...so how can I care? I care because I know what it's like and I know how it feels and I know...that everyone needs someone, and everyone is so beautiful, I don't understand this wonder yet it is so tremendous. I love you all, I truly do. So do one thing for me...and live, because it's all under this one sky, in this one world, in this one life.
Stay beautiful. <3
-Kylie
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