Refresh!

Well, people of the internet...it's been a long and hard first half of the year. For a lot of people out there, not just Erika and I. I would like to bring up a fact that Erika mentioned in one of her earlier posts: We're not just some babbling-think-we-know-it-alls. We've been in similar, if not exact, situations as all of you have. Her and I together have pretty much been through everything, you name it. We've got the experiences, we're giving the advice from the heart and the mind, because maybe you need to hear it from someone just like yourselves.

I think what I would like to talk about in this post is the reinventions of a person. We've all made changes, about ourselves, and with certain things we do, but this is different. I don't technically mean changing yourself as YOU, but changing what's around you, the *people* in your life that only cause you more harm and extreme, unecessary stress, rather than good, for the better of you moving on in life. No, I have not tried it. I'm going to begin starting now. It's an idea that popped into my head while overthinking my stressful past events, and agonizing the one's to come. Is it possible to renew a person? Can someone flush all of the bad influences away, and replace them with people much better? The answer, I believe, is yes. Starting with the simpler people is the beginning, and yes, it's going to be hard. But you have to think about yourself for once, and if not for once, again, because at the end of the day, what matters is You. Now is the time to take the steps towards caring more for yourself, which means getting rid of the one's that are keeping you locked in the same position. Tell those people how you feel, that you think it would be better for yourself if they just stayed away. You can let them know you love them, if you do, but that your heart and your head can't take any more stress without faltering. And if they understand, maybe they'll listen. But if they don't, perhaps it's time to take it up a notch. No Contact Orders, which, let me tell you, are way easier than restraining orders (I would know, I have one. :\) But this is only if necessary, I wouldn't want any of you having to go through such situations, as I know they may already be far worse.

Like me, I'm gonna start with the simpler ones, that ones I can remove now. But, unlike a lot of the people, there are one's I must wait for time to erase. Like my mother. I'm still living at home, and yet she's the biggest bad influence in my life, and I'll have to wait years before I can move out, and click my refresh button.

Just hold on to hope, all of you. Because with time, things might just get better. And you are capable of clicking that refresh button, it's always there as an option.

And remember...You're always beautiful <3

--Kylie

First August Post

Normally I wouldn't be on here with 2 posts so soon, but I don't see why I shouldn't plus I have good reason to. One of which being that I want to have the first post of August before Kylie stealz it. But there are a couple other reasons too.

First and foremost: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nReOeW1UckI
This above is a video from one of my favorite youtubers. Some of you may have already heard of Shane Dawson and his reputation for being a maker of hilarious videos, but recently he's making more meaningful videos, still with some humor, but the underlying meaning is clear. Two of his newest videos are about highschool drama, the first of which is about growing up fatherless and Shane wanting to be the dad he never had. The second one is the link I posted above. It's about eating disorders and being comfortable in your own body.

The second thing I want to talk about is sixbillionsecrets.com and givesmehope.com. The first one isn't necessarily a happy site, but it allows you to post your secrets anonymously. The secrets posted range from overly depressing to innocent, but the community is very supportive. Once when someone said they were going to kill themselves, tons of posts showed up begging them to live. The second site is a much happier site, with posts about the small things that give people hope. This all leads into my third topic.

Last night while on sixbillionsecrets, I was voting on upcoming secrets when I came across one from a girl named Katie. She had started cutting when she was 12 and was now 14. She said she couldn't stop and begged for help, leaving her email address. The first thing I did was email her, and I hope I made her day. She did reply, thanking me, but really I should be the one thanking her. Helping her, even with just a single email, knowing I may have made her feel good for a while, has made me feel better about myself than I've felt in a long time.

So I'll leave you all on this note: When you get the chance to help someone, take it, because that might have been/may be you. And Katie, if you ever read this, thank you.

You're all great and beautiful and just amazing.
<3Erika<3

*sigh*

I haven't written in a while for many reasons, the underlying of which is I don't want to lie. I ask myself "How can I write and tell all these people who may read this now or in the future that everything will be ok, when even I do not believe it?" To me this is lying. Right now I do not believe everything will be ok, things will happen, I will hate them, I'll get over them, they'll happen again. A stupid cycle, no? And I do not want to be a liar, to tell you all that everything is great and fine and I am a happy person, to give you the impression I run around picking daisies and preaching happiness. I want you all to know that I've cried myself to sleep. I've went to bed upset night after night. I've woken up screaming and crying from nightmares. I've locked myself in my room and thrown things. I gave up eating for 3 days before someone begged me to eat. I've contemplated giving up on life. But yet I'm here writing this. I want you all to know that these people that want to help, we understand. I refuse to sit here and preach to you about how you should eat more and not throw up, or how cutting won't help, or even how therapy is good for you. No, I'm going to tell you I understand. I understand the feeling of being hopeless, of feeling like you have nothing and no one to live for. And I will never tell you I'm a better or stronger person because I can slowly overcome it, because YOU are the stronger person for putting up with it. But alas, how can I leave such a depressing post like this, but oh no, I shan't. (Yay for olden English?) There is some good news amongst this. There is hope of overcoming it completely. And how, you may ask? By taking those little moments to forget. Gaze at the moon and lose yourself in thought. Remember the happy times with friends/family. Just forget, even if just for a moment, lose yourself in calmness.

At times like these, I turn to my pet cat. I know she will always be there, unlike people. After so many times of crazy crying and not having anyone pick up the phone, she was always there. And because not everyone has a pet, I want to help those like me who have no one there. Here's my personal email: rubiansavior@gmail.com I check it all the time. Here's my hotmail for IM: rubiansavior@hotmail.com I am often there. And if all else fails, try here: http://chat.mibbit.com/ At the top in the drop-down bar go to Coldfront And where it says nick, enter your name. And as for the channel, type: #starlit_night I am nearly always there, and I want to be there because I know what it's like when no one is. If I fail you and am not around, yell at me, berate me, hate me if you must, because I too know how that feels.

On an ending note, take care. If help is ever needed, I am here. Find those moments to remember the small things and to forget, it's your first step to being happy, no matter how many steps you must take.

Stay beautiful forever and always, because I think you are.
<3Erika<3

Overdue, but here nonetheless.

I think a new post is well overdue.

Ladies and gentlemen, I'd just like to say that I have been going through a really tough time, as is Erika, and that is the reason we've been so behind on our blog. I'd like to throw in there that, with going through all the hardships, I'm becoming a better person, and maturing more than I thought I could. So I want you all to think about the difficult situations you're in, and look at it as if it were rounding you out more as a person. And we're humans, nonetheless, we're going to make mistakes, it's just how we are! Humans are idiots, and we have to face that fact, but we're also extremely smart and we also have to realize THAT. So tell me, can you out-smart your idiotic being?

Seriously, I love you all, and keep being beautiful <3

--Kylie

Saving The Starving

Okie dokie, it's been awhile since there's been a post. Lots has been going on!! I recently just got back from my national forensics tournament, that lasted a week, and it was absolutely amazing, and tiring, and I've got some stories!

First story. The second day we were in Kansas City, Missouri, before the tournament actually began, our 7 students that had made it to nationals were signed up to "Save the Starving" with hundreds of other people, by making meals for Haiti. It was THE most tremendous experience in my life. (so far.) You feel fantastic just by thinking to the future of the children and men and women who will be eating the meals you've made, and surviving at least one more day after the tradgedy they'd gone through. You feel happy because you are taking the extra steps in helping many, many people. The first day, there were 425,000 meals made. That is a LOT of meals, and a lot more people who won't go hungry for one more day.

Now the second story is really personal. Before I left for Kansas City, I went through a terrible situation within my family, and I was put into the hospital for a few hours. Looking back at it, I see the situation could have been prevented if I hadn't been standing in the past (Also known as Living In The Moment) practically my entire life, and even now. (I'm trying to step out... I'm trying to let go.)I also realized how many people care about me, people that I have looked over for a long time. So what I want you to do...is think about all the people that care about you, don't think just once, if you have to, think three times. Remember them during the good, and bad, times. It might just help you hold on, just like it's been helping me. I also want you to stop living in "the moment." (I also heard a speech on this. It was absolutely amazing, as well, and it sorta clicked in my head.) By living in the moment, you're holding yourself back. No matter if the moment was bad, or good. With the good moments, you must remember them, and keep those memories for when you're feeling low, but do not, by all means, hold onto the moment for the sake of remembering how good it was, and WISHING how good it could and should be in the present. Things DO change, and THAT's what you should remember most. As for the bad moments, which are the ones I have the most trouble with, I can't tell you to forget them. Forgetting, for one, isn't always the best, and two, it's hard. I can't do it, why should I make you do it? The bad moments can be remembered as lessons, lessons that you've learned from, and proceed to learn from. And if they aren't lessons, which sometimes they aren't, like moments you had no control over, try not to think back to them, because now is waaay more important than bad memories that have scarred you and still cut you open.

I think I've pretty much forgotten everything I was going to say (stupid train-of-thought)so I'm going to leave it at this: Remember the good and bad times scarcely, because as those might be important, what's more important is now, and the people who care about you in this now.

Lots of frikkin love!
--Kylie