I opened a fortune cookie today and probably received one of the largest truths in a while. Not only that, but it was a beautiful hint of advice that I am faithfully applying to my life recently.
The fortune cookie read, "Idleness is the holiday of fools."
Does anyone understand what that means? Well, I'll tell you what it means to me.
For the longest time I have sat and just allowed everything to happen around me, because I have felt helpless. I have felt like there is not much for me to do.
However, the truth is that by sitting idle, you are allowing even the negative events to occur, you are sitting and watching bad things happen to you and to those around you.
How is this fair? How is this right? How is this anything but foolish?
Well, I'll tell you what, I didn't have an incredible saying to go along with it at first, but for the past month I have felt that sitting and doing nothing is not for me anymore.
I am so tired of letting people control my life. I am so tired of letting people walk all over me, tired of letting bad things happen when I DO have a say, I DO have an obligation to stop what is not right.
So, I've begun to stand up for myself. I am telling people "no."
I am fighting for what I believe is in the best interest for myself, and I do not need any goddamn help from anyone else, because what has that help given me in the past? Almost nothing but more pain.
It is time that my independent status actually shown through, and I do not care that by law I still have four months to wait until I am of legal age to decide where I am living, to have my own bank account without a cosigner, and to decide against any other idiotic obstacles that there are standing in my way.
If what I'm being told will hinder me in ANY form or way, hinder ANY aspect of my life, then I am not going through with it and I am doing what I need to do to be in the best shape for this very important year in my life.
I believe it is time for adults to be adults, and that requires growing up, taking responsibilities, making those responsibilities priority and being an overall good person.
I will not give respect to my elders that have NO respect for those below them, NO respect for those above them, and absolutely NO respect for themselves. These are vital to caring for other people. And one must learn this before any duties can be taken into responsibility.
Respect is so important.
And honesty is right along those lines.
Here begins the start of a revolution in my world, because I am not backing down; I am going to do EVERYTHING in my power that I know is right.
And it is my advice to the world that you keep your head up and you do what is right for yourself, too. Because you come FIRST.
Keep in mind that you must be appropriate and not get into any trouble, because trouble does not help you in the least bit, but do what is necessary. Become who you are against those who are pushing you down and folding you in so that you cannot flourish.
I tell you to flourish, anyway.
Always remain beautiful.
Love and be loved.
Respect is key.
--Kylie
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Monday, May 14, 2012
Living with optimism: screwing the bastards who want to eat you for breakfast
Screw those people who tell you that you aren't capable.
Screw every single person that has ever told you no, ever called you something awful, ever insulted a talent you've felt passionately about.
Screw people who insult you in general, because you should believe what you truly believe about yourself and not what they're trying to make you believe.
Do you know how many times I've listened to people call me stupid, a failure, a bitch, a liar, a fake, someone who will "never make it in life," someone who is a follower?
Do you know how many times I've fallen for the same, boring lies?
I know I'm not any of those. Yet, when my mother would tell me those things, I would hate myself with so much anger and rage and depression that it would eat away at my self preservation and I would end up vulnerable to every single horrible thing that could ever be said or done to me, and I would lose all self-esteem in the process.
Sometimes, most often times, I believed I deserved those hurtful words.
But let me tell you, you can rise above every last one of those letters that makes up the screwed up language that is of hate. You can rise against the forces that want to hold you back.
And who really cares why they do those things to you?
You know why you shouldn't care?
Because fuck that.
It is so damn IMPORTANT to know that you can do ANYTHING if you have enough willpower to do so. (Speaking in terms of actual abilities, you cannot fly without any equipment, please do not go jump off of a building thinking you can. Let's be literal here).
You know what I have accomplished, despite the environment I have been submersed in my entire life?
I have accomplished the success of overcoming.
I have accomplished love, and refused to hate (though I have found I think I'm incapable of such a strong emotion towards other humans), and I regret nothing.
I have accomplished fulfilling my dreams, if not just starting out by creating them and hopefully continuing to progress.
I have accomplished living life the way a person should through difficult times.
And you know what that means?
You. Can. Too.
I just want to fucking SCREAM.
Scream and shout and tell you that you CAN. You can do what you WANT. Live in the boundary lines of right and stray far from the wrong side and you can accomplish so much, the very much you have planned throughout your childhood.
Because I know each and every one of you has a dream, a mapped out plan for life, that sweet, perfect life you've always wanted.
Nothing will ever always be given to you but you can earn a lot of it.
So, work for it.
And screw those assholes who are telling you no.
And you know what else?
For those of you who have sour attitudes and want to use the excuse that you have a horrible life,
stoppit.
You people make me sick because I KNOW you can do better, I KNOW you can be polite and nice and not awful and rude all of the time, because I do it. I've met other people who do it.
Take what has happened to you and turn it into something GOOD, turn it into life lessons that not many people can learn on their own, turn it into standards that you can set for yourself so you can never be like those people who bring others down, and come out knowing that you are a better person because of what has happened to you.
Stop ruining what you have left for yourself by making others feel awful, too.
If you want any chance at happiness, grasp it with WELCOMING arms and don't shove it back because you're afraid.
Go ahead and let people get close to you, I promise, it is SO much better to have loved and let go/lost rather than to have not loved at all.
It's apart of life.
Live it. Love it.
Stay beautiful.
-Kylie
Screw every single person that has ever told you no, ever called you something awful, ever insulted a talent you've felt passionately about.
Screw people who insult you in general, because you should believe what you truly believe about yourself and not what they're trying to make you believe.
Do you know how many times I've listened to people call me stupid, a failure, a bitch, a liar, a fake, someone who will "never make it in life," someone who is a follower?
Do you know how many times I've fallen for the same, boring lies?
I know I'm not any of those. Yet, when my mother would tell me those things, I would hate myself with so much anger and rage and depression that it would eat away at my self preservation and I would end up vulnerable to every single horrible thing that could ever be said or done to me, and I would lose all self-esteem in the process.
Sometimes, most often times, I believed I deserved those hurtful words.
But let me tell you, you can rise above every last one of those letters that makes up the screwed up language that is of hate. You can rise against the forces that want to hold you back.
And who really cares why they do those things to you?
You know why you shouldn't care?
Because fuck that.
It is so damn IMPORTANT to know that you can do ANYTHING if you have enough willpower to do so. (Speaking in terms of actual abilities, you cannot fly without any equipment, please do not go jump off of a building thinking you can. Let's be literal here).
You know what I have accomplished, despite the environment I have been submersed in my entire life?
I have accomplished the success of overcoming.
I have accomplished love, and refused to hate (though I have found I think I'm incapable of such a strong emotion towards other humans), and I regret nothing.
I have accomplished fulfilling my dreams, if not just starting out by creating them and hopefully continuing to progress.
I have accomplished living life the way a person should through difficult times.
And you know what that means?
You. Can. Too.
I just want to fucking SCREAM.
Scream and shout and tell you that you CAN. You can do what you WANT. Live in the boundary lines of right and stray far from the wrong side and you can accomplish so much, the very much you have planned throughout your childhood.
Because I know each and every one of you has a dream, a mapped out plan for life, that sweet, perfect life you've always wanted.
Nothing will ever always be given to you but you can earn a lot of it.
So, work for it.
And screw those assholes who are telling you no.
And you know what else?
For those of you who have sour attitudes and want to use the excuse that you have a horrible life,
stoppit.
You people make me sick because I KNOW you can do better, I KNOW you can be polite and nice and not awful and rude all of the time, because I do it. I've met other people who do it.
Take what has happened to you and turn it into something GOOD, turn it into life lessons that not many people can learn on their own, turn it into standards that you can set for yourself so you can never be like those people who bring others down, and come out knowing that you are a better person because of what has happened to you.
Stop ruining what you have left for yourself by making others feel awful, too.
If you want any chance at happiness, grasp it with WELCOMING arms and don't shove it back because you're afraid.
Go ahead and let people get close to you, I promise, it is SO much better to have loved and let go/lost rather than to have not loved at all.
It's apart of life.
Live it. Love it.
Stay beautiful.
-Kylie
Thursday, November 3, 2011
When giving up seems best...
There is so much to say to everyone about the demon lounging in the back of your mind, waiting to pop up and steal away your willpower and dignity. There is really only a statement to let you know how important it is to fight against it.
You must always believe you are stronger than whatever it is that wants to break you apart.
Giving up may sometimes seem like the best plan, and it never has been, nor will it ever be. Giving up is exactly what others will want you to do, because there's something about loving to see people fail. It makes them feel better about themselves. So you need to be the best you can be YOURSELF. Giving up will never be the answer when times get hard, and it is beyond significant to understand that this is the only thing you should go by. You must believe you can do everything you're capable of, especially when it's rough. You must believe you can crush anything in your path when shit is set up in front of you to knock you over. You must believe in yourself.
Overall, you are the most important.
And other people believe in you, as well.
Don't ever forget that.
You're beautiful, and so are the people who stand by you.
-Kylie
You must always believe you are stronger than whatever it is that wants to break you apart.
Giving up may sometimes seem like the best plan, and it never has been, nor will it ever be. Giving up is exactly what others will want you to do, because there's something about loving to see people fail. It makes them feel better about themselves. So you need to be the best you can be YOURSELF. Giving up will never be the answer when times get hard, and it is beyond significant to understand that this is the only thing you should go by. You must believe you can do everything you're capable of, especially when it's rough. You must believe you can crush anything in your path when shit is set up in front of you to knock you over. You must believe in yourself.
Overall, you are the most important.
And other people believe in you, as well.
Don't ever forget that.
You're beautiful, and so are the people who stand by you.
-Kylie
Sunday, September 25, 2011
"For all of the people out there who don't know if they wanna live or die..."
If you should dare smile...about the simplest aspects in our lives, would anything change? The answer is yes. Because everything can be compared to systems biology and the wonderful emergent properties that cause everything to work in the way they do, you are able to change the smallest thing about you and make everything change in a large way. Having the ability to see the smaller, beautiful things in life in a new perspective might make happiness come easier--you're enthusiastic about everything rather than just the whole. This is a method I adopted quite a while ago, and ever since then I see almost in undiscovered colors. And while at first it's strange to feel too excited about the rivets and ridges on your fingertips or the veins in a leaf, it's a great experience you can feel all around and forever.
I'm upset to say that life is still not looking up for myself but I'm hanging in with a tight grip. I am terrified of the fall that everyone is not totally assured won't occur, but this gives me even more reason to fight harder and keep this battle up until I am free. (Poem written to describe how I feel, which is officially my second poem getting published by request. Called Runaway)
Cracking, smacking, crushed beneath my feet
Found a letter in my pocket: the note of my defeat
I'm asking you not to speak about it—
Don't repeat the silence,
especially once I'm gone
because we all know my mind does that job well enough on its own.
I know I reek of unwashed jeans and sneakers—
The uncleanliness of slamming the front door,
breaking into a run once I skid away from the mirrored floor
Always looking back at me, never looking up at me
because we all know I'm the one below on this scale of indefinite chains.
Infinite escape into a place I once knew as euphoric,
lost to the world of promises in rhetoric
But we all know that place no longer holds a certainty
the fantasy
of delectation—delight
because it only made me think twice about my purposed placement,
something I no longer wanted to be a part of.
Childish, I kept telling myself;
Time to move on and let myself grieve
Wanted to get up and go—just leave
forget that it once made me feel okay inside,
find a warmer home I could then reside
And not worry about the watchful eye of the ones who take back,
keep back and restrain
because then there wouldn't be a reason to flee
And instead of a runaway, I could be free.
Recently I have attended two fantastic concerts, one weekend after another. First was the Rise Against and Foo Fighters Concert, which actually gave me an appreciation for America. See, Rise Against has been one of my favorite bands for some time because of their activist status, but I had no idea how much of an activist band the Foo Fighters were. They gave this amazing speech about how no matter who you are, what you are, who you want to be, you are an equal to every other human being in this nation we reside, because we accept people for being the most beautiful goddamn creatures on this planet. The other concert was yesterday, the Uproar Festival, which rocked my fucking voice out. The most famous bands present were Escape The Fate, Bullet For My Valentine, Seether, Three Days Grace and Avenged Sevenfold. Three Days Grace had the best performance, which is odd for me to say because I don't know much of their music. But anyway, the lead singer dedicated the song Never Too Late to all of the people in the crowd who don't know who they are yet or whether they want to live or die, because it's never too late to make it right. It was beautiful, and I almost cried. Music is such a great stress reliever and these two concerts couldn't have come in a more important time. I really needed the feeling of sound vibrations sifting through my body. I could feel it in my blood, and it was absolutely exotic. So this is my advice to you for this post: Listen to music! Your music taste is significant to your health, and don't let anyone tell you you're weird or stupid or whatever the hell they want to say because sound is music and music is sound, and everyone loves different types. Embrace your love for music, and if you're not into music...well, anything that soothes you will work. But honestly, I believe that music can ignite many different feelings and activities. It'll work for any occasion.
Well, last but certainly not least, I'd just like to mention that it is Autumn, my favorite season of all. :) I hope you all enjoy the beautiful colors that fall from the skies and get high off of that smell of the end nearing, all to start right back up again come Spring. Feel the leaves beneath your feet as you walk barefoot through the beautiful lands of our world, and stay beautiful yourselves.
I love you with all my heart can give.
-Kylie
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Being thankful for the crutches in life
Just a little about my life in the recent times.
Well, let's just say that it's a large mixture of two completely opposite emotions, accompanied by all of their underlying emotions. Love and hate. For a while, I was going on a straight streak of wonderful happenings. For example, I received a letter from The America Library of Poetry about publishing one of my poems in their newest poetry collection edition called Acclaimed. Then I was hired at a local Dairy Queen that is luckily just down the street from my house. And for some reason I had this feeling I was in for a jackpot of money, and sure enough, a few days later I found seven dollars on the ground. Yeah, yeah. Seven dollars isn't much but it was still money!
Then my parents were granted legal 10 days a month visitation with my sister, so I've been seeing her regularly instead of once every three months.
On the underside, there is the awful fact that the aggravation and frustration levels have grown to a height I can no longer reach, therefore having me drown in them. I've already become severely depressed again and I'm trying to watch myself closely so I don't end up hurting myself. My friends have been warned so they can also help me out, but I know the situation could always turn out like before, where I hide everything. The thoughts of suicide and harming myself aren't as hovering and hindering as before, so I'm thankful to mother nature for giving me the strength to keep myself standing.
My parents still don't understand. All they're doing is pushing me closer and closer towards the dreadful drop from the bridge I'm standing on.
I'd like to thank a few people in my life for keeping by my side through times such as these.
Courtney - You have been there since the first day of second grade, and even though there were moments where we grew apart to grow up and have the sense to know where we stand, I have always loved you. I will always lend you my shoulder and ear when you need them. You're a great laugh around the clock and are serious when difficult matters are at hand. You are such a wonderful person, to myself and many others around you. You are a great part of my life and I would never try to break the beautiful bond we share.
Karly and Joseph - I can't stress enough how much you two mean to me. The summer we went to nationals together was the hardest summer I have ever had, but you two were right there to be my crutches. Karly, we have shared our tears and our experiences, and I am beyond thankful that our relationship has continued to build over the past few years. Though I've not known you as long as I've known Courtney, I consider you to be just as important and my spectacular companion in life (and that beautiful thing we do in forensics). Honestly, your friendship means the world to me. I love you so much.
Tyler - You're probably the most important person in regards to the health of my mental state, and you never fail to turn things around, even if it's just in the slightest ways. I can't believe how long it has been since the day we met, but just as I've said before, I'm entirely indebted to the reasons why this is so. When things got hard, I knew I could count on you and I knew that in someway, you would understand or could relate. Stop pretending you're not a beautiful person, because I know for a fact that you wouldn't have stood by me that terrible summer if you hadn't of had the heart for it. These times are tough but in due time we will all receive some happiness to carry us on to the future.
As for all of you beautiful people out there in the world, maybe you just need to take some time to thank the people who stand by you always. You don't even have to give them your letter or email, or whatever means of communication you choose to use, just think about it. It always seems to make me feel better. I'm all about giving you ideas to make YOU feel better, as well.
Keep holding on.
In due time, happiness will be presented.
-Kylie
Well, let's just say that it's a large mixture of two completely opposite emotions, accompanied by all of their underlying emotions. Love and hate. For a while, I was going on a straight streak of wonderful happenings. For example, I received a letter from The America Library of Poetry about publishing one of my poems in their newest poetry collection edition called Acclaimed. Then I was hired at a local Dairy Queen that is luckily just down the street from my house. And for some reason I had this feeling I was in for a jackpot of money, and sure enough, a few days later I found seven dollars on the ground. Yeah, yeah. Seven dollars isn't much but it was still money!
Then my parents were granted legal 10 days a month visitation with my sister, so I've been seeing her regularly instead of once every three months.
On the underside, there is the awful fact that the aggravation and frustration levels have grown to a height I can no longer reach, therefore having me drown in them. I've already become severely depressed again and I'm trying to watch myself closely so I don't end up hurting myself. My friends have been warned so they can also help me out, but I know the situation could always turn out like before, where I hide everything. The thoughts of suicide and harming myself aren't as hovering and hindering as before, so I'm thankful to mother nature for giving me the strength to keep myself standing.
My parents still don't understand. All they're doing is pushing me closer and closer towards the dreadful drop from the bridge I'm standing on.
I'd like to thank a few people in my life for keeping by my side through times such as these.
Courtney - You have been there since the first day of second grade, and even though there were moments where we grew apart to grow up and have the sense to know where we stand, I have always loved you. I will always lend you my shoulder and ear when you need them. You're a great laugh around the clock and are serious when difficult matters are at hand. You are such a wonderful person, to myself and many others around you. You are a great part of my life and I would never try to break the beautiful bond we share.
Karly and Joseph - I can't stress enough how much you two mean to me. The summer we went to nationals together was the hardest summer I have ever had, but you two were right there to be my crutches. Karly, we have shared our tears and our experiences, and I am beyond thankful that our relationship has continued to build over the past few years. Though I've not known you as long as I've known Courtney, I consider you to be just as important and my spectacular companion in life (and that beautiful thing we do in forensics). Honestly, your friendship means the world to me. I love you so much.
Tyler - You're probably the most important person in regards to the health of my mental state, and you never fail to turn things around, even if it's just in the slightest ways. I can't believe how long it has been since the day we met, but just as I've said before, I'm entirely indebted to the reasons why this is so. When things got hard, I knew I could count on you and I knew that in someway, you would understand or could relate. Stop pretending you're not a beautiful person, because I know for a fact that you wouldn't have stood by me that terrible summer if you hadn't of had the heart for it. These times are tough but in due time we will all receive some happiness to carry us on to the future.
As for all of you beautiful people out there in the world, maybe you just need to take some time to thank the people who stand by you always. You don't even have to give them your letter or email, or whatever means of communication you choose to use, just think about it. It always seems to make me feel better. I'm all about giving you ideas to make YOU feel better, as well.
Keep holding on.
In due time, happiness will be presented.
-Kylie
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